5 REASONS WHY I QUIT CHRIST EMBASSY

My life was wretched; my spirit oppressed; every decision I made proved the wrong one. My family and friends had deserted me and I was seriously contemplating suicide as an exit strategy out of my money-deprived, booze-guzzling life. One day I cried unto God and a bright light filled my room, happiness filled my heart and a kingly voice boomed…sorry, kidding.

My life wasn't really wretched. I was content with it. In fact, I had been able to transcend that initial crushing guilt a life-long church goer feels after failing to attend church services the first few times. It had been over a year since I’d stepped inside a church house and I was cool with it. Then one day, I was just overwhelmed by the feeling to go to church.  However, located all around my neighbourhood were countless churches so wanting a change of scenery ( I had tired of my own church), I made a list of all the churches around with the intention of visiting all till I found the nearest perfect church.  Christ Embassy was first. I attended three Sunday services, two mid-week services, and one all-night service and promptly called it quits. Here are 5 reasons why.

1.       TOO CULT-LIKE

As an outsider, you feel all members of the church are in on a secret except you. So, wanting to feel a part of the inner circle, you join, only to find out it wasn't a secret at all; they all seem so euphoric because they literally worship Pastor Chris. I don’t know whether the intention is the fostering of unity or something but the result is like a bunch of satellites lacking independent personalities surrounding a planet.

His pastors dress like he does; in three-piece suits, and wear their hair like he does; permed hair slicked back. I'm not even going to dwell on the cultural implications of a black African man with treated hair-that’s repulsive, smacks of and perpetuates ignorance, and is insulting to my curly-haired race! What’s worse is his congregants replicate his looks! I queried a member as to why some do that. His answer? Imitation is the best form of flattery. Why would you seek to flatter a mere human who claims to be a ‘man of God’ unless you truly believe he’s your only chance at salvation?

The congregation sings its own songs so first timers are kinda left hanging, not knowing the lyrics to these songs. Plus they aren't the catchiest or best of songs so you kinda feel they’re being shoved down your throat-literally.

And then there was that day the branch pastor travelled to Canada for a conference. No sermon was delivered. During the mid-week service, a member read from the official daily devotional; the Rhapsody of Realities, verbatim. No free styling, no trying to explain nothing. If I’d known that would happen I would have just skipped the service altogether. But what I learned from this episode is that Pastor Chris likes to keep a tight ship; nothing in, nothing out. That’s like entertaining fears of an external corruption of ‘your’ message. That’s the kind of paranoia that’s so characteristic of cult leaders.

2.       TOO WORLDLY

There are the flamboyant wigs and excessive make-up appropriate for a night out but inside a place of worship? However appalling, that’s something most churches these days are culpable of. But what shocked me out of my shoes one Sunday service was the mini skirt I saw on a female member. I know for a fact that churches are where most people go to in search of spouses.

 I remember my first day at Christ Embassy; people wishing to be members are giving a form to fill, with one section inquiring what your heart’s desire is so the church can log in a prayer request for you. While I was busily filling in ‘a new laptop’, this lady beside me penned in ‘a husband’. I guess my point here is, you may want a husband, but you do not have to dress to church with ‘fuck me’ written all over you. Have some respect for God at least!

 

3.       TOO EXPENSIVE

On your first day, you are gifted a DVD of Pastor Chris’s teachings; it’ll seem as if you are paying for that DVD for the remainder of your stay there. From tithing to several offertories a service to strong encouragements to ‘seed’-that’s like a spiritual investment with money; money is the seed,’ planted’ and ‘nourished’ with faith and reaping dividends of blessings which may or may not be in the form of money depending on what the Holy Spirit deems appropriate. As you can see, it’s very much unlike the real world where the dividend on investments is money. Let me set this straight; I understand Christ Embassy didn't get to where it is without people seeding and tithing and offering and giving to sustain Pastor Chris’s media empire-which is vast. If they had complained like I did, I suppose its reach would be limited to a few national branches at best. At worst, he’d still be preaching in a run-down class room.

But for a first timer, all of this is overwhelming. Couple that with this first timer being a student living on a couple hundred cedis a month; it is crushing! Some of the giving, they claim, is voluntary but why won’t I feel pressured when everybody around me is giving? This is a tool of persuasion called ‘joining the bandwagon’ where you are influenced to follow a trend because everyone else is on board-they do this by exploiting the basic human urge to belong.

And then there was the rude awakening that the church is run like a business, its vast machinery kept humming by the goodwill of its congregants. Every service, taped recordings of Pastor Chris’s sermons are beamed to the congregation. I was excited my first time because the television telecasts are never shown in full, so I naively th

ought that this being the church, a full recording would be shown. But just when the sermon got interesting, it was rudely cut (very much like coitus interruptus) and we were informed to go purchase the full DVD at the church’s bookshop adjacent the church house.

I suppose I wouldn't be this much outraged if the church at least paid its workers regularly. Are they adopting the Church of Scientology’s method of bullying its workers out of their honest earnings, I wonder. I seriously hope not.

4.       TOO MUNDANE IN ITS TEACHINGS i.e. Related to this World, not a Spiritual One

A while back, a section of Christendom, at least on my side of the continent, were polarized concerning Pastor Chris’s views on masturbation. Go ahead, just Google it. His position on this was that the guilt associated to masturbation is but a state of mind. Meaning you can choose to stop if it’s too much to handle or you can just continue to manipulate away. God wouldn't care either ways because get this, masturbation is a sin against the body and not God? Really? How dare you purport to understand God’s ways, which are supposed mysteries? How about the mandate to treat our bodies as temples of God? So we may defile our bodies and manage to not sin against God? Masturbation is clearly fulfilling the urge to have sex and the Bible clearly states that any form of sexual immorality is a sin against God.

Then there were his views on whether a raped woman should abort a foetus should the act result in

conception. My understanding of all these is that Pastor Chris panders to certain ‘goodwill congregants’, seeking to perpetuate rather than admonishing and set them right. What would Jesus do? Surely not, ‘I can’t tell you what to do with your body’?. Murder is murder, plain and simple. More like Pastor Chris is pro choice and not pro life. And what is godlier than being pro life? Glad I bailed out before all this wahala!

5.       TOO CLINGY

When I first visited Christ Embassy, I didn't know what to expect but I did expect to be accepted into a close-nit congregation exuding love and allowing me to serve God unconditionally. May be it was the branch I visited but the sheer size turned me off of large churches completely. They had three separate services each Sunday; the Ga, English, and another service I can’t remember right now. Each had its stupendous size so you can imagine the size of the crowd waiting outside for whichever group was inside to finish up. That is how mechanical it felt. Nothing close-nit about that. 

I began to sense their clingy disposition when I was assigned to a cell; that was the end of my sanity as I knew it till I deleted my handler’s number and flagged their emails as spam. They were there to constantly remind me I hadn't completed my membership process, which ended with writing a series of exams I had to pay for! And then when I stopped attending services and cell meetings, my handler became my personal nightmare. I learnt later cell leaders are given free airtime to keep their members ‘interested’. Any-ways, they wouldn't just let me slide on out without a fight so I was compelled, during a call to inquire about the completion of my exams, to inform them I’d quit the church.

Yet, like a defective and spastic evil robot that just refuses to back down, I still get the random email now and then and I send them right to my trash bin. But they always seem to be telling me this..