Do not walk bare-footed.
Do not share your comb with others/ do not expose your
natural hair to combs when at the hair salon (like seriously).
You never remember your dreams, be honest (but I do,
every detail actually)
Don’t give up, God is about to do something incredible in
your life.
They don’t start with these though and by ‘they’ I'm
referring to two male characters I've had the displeasure of encountering on
separate occasions.
On both occasions it was after dark and I’d just gotten
down from a ‘trotro’. It had been a long commute from work and I just wanted to
get home and pass out on a fluffy pillow. Then, extricating himself from the
shadows, this guy accosts me and I initially fight the urge to flee, but he
starts talking gently.
He introduces himself in English (he can neither speak nor understand Twi because he’s from South Africa, he says) and asks if I'm
a Christian.
I'm what I like to call ‘Recovering Christian’ when it’s
actually Confused Christian if you strip away the ludicrous label. But being
tired and foreseeing a lecture on how wretched my soul is and will remain till
I'm saved, I say yes.
Then he asks if I'm aware of a Christ Embassy youth
outreach programme in progress in the area. Apparently, he’s been trying to locate
it for a while and yes, he’s new to the area.
Obviously, I'm not aware and he’s not aware that I
haven’t stepped inside a church for over a year. We are also not aware that my
religious concussion prevents me from falling prey to Christian confidence tricksters.
So I tell him I have no idea where such a thing is
happening and he suggests we ask someone. Another guy just happens to be
walking by and I have to do the talking because the Christ Embassy guy can’t
speak the local language.
This new guy has no idea either but as a token of his
appreciation, Christ Embassy guy decides to prophecy unto us-which explains the
opening paragraph.
To the guy, he says, ‘your father has been bed-ridden for
a while now. He’s been cursed by relatives because of land-related family
issues. He’ll almost definitely die if you do not fast for him’. Then to us, he
says, ‘good night and God bless you’. Then he walks away…just like that.
This other guy turns to me and says, in awed yet
hushed tones, that what the Christ Embassy prophet said about his father is true
and he suggests we follow him and find out more.
…
Yeah. I’d have been the dumbest dumb dumb person walking
this earth had I followed him. What he’s not aware of is that I'm tired and I
just want to go home…plus I have a religious concussion which makes me
impervious to religious b.s.
So I tell him to follow the prophet if he wants to. I’ll
just make my way home.
A year later and I've moved to a new area but still
commuting . One night I get off the ‘trotro’ and I'm
accosted by a male character looking for the venue of a Christ
Embassy-organised programme.
I say no, I don’t know this area very well.
I'm wondering is this déjà vu because there was the
introduction in English, the question of whether I'm a Christian (I hesitate because I'm only sort of confused now but I think ‘what the heck’ and say yes
anyway).
Then, like a rehearsed play, a male stranger enters from
right and pretends to be bummed out about the mysterious location of this
programme.
Religious character starts prophesying; don’t walk
bare-footed, don’t share your comb with people, etc.
Then to stranger guy he says, "your father has been
bed-ridden for a while now…"
At this point, I know the script so well I'm able to
predict the next act: Religious character piously exits scene and stranger guy,
in awed hushed tones, clearly marvelled, turns to me and corroborates the malarkey
about his almost definitely dead father, his fasting ways, and how we should
follow the prophet for more information.
I’m like come on; it’s been like a year now! How much
longer do I have to wait for the father to just die already!
But I say instead, ‘not interested. You can follow him if
you want to’.
Thank God for my confused state.
But clearly, swindlers are soiling Christ Embassy’s ‘good
name’. Is the church aware of this? What
could they possibly do to stop this?
Maybe don’t walk barefooted nor share their combs with
others? Perhaps pray for a good old fashioned miracle? That’s a good starting point.
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